Memo #9

Why do I always succeed in over thinking when it would do me much more good to just ask less and just let it go. I don’t know if its just me trying to make some drama in my life. That would be stupid because I have way more important things to spend my energy on… like school, work, loans, scholarships, family etc.  Many of the things I over think have to do with my volatile self- esteem and how the decisions I make affect what people think about me.  After doing something I am not particularly proud of I try to find solace and reassurance in other people.  Sometimes I find it but sometimes when the products of my “over thinking” turn out to be true that is when nothing can be said to get my mind off it and the only medicine to my predicament is time and a large dose of perspective which is difficult to swallow all at once when my stubborn mind is resisting it.   I read somewhere that that it is no use fretting over something that will not matter 20 years in the future. One thing I know I have to change/ grow out of is how much I question and doubt myself. If I listened to my gut more often I would probably over think less. This thing holding my back is that what if I end up spending more time thinking “what if”.  I feel like the pent up energy of what if thinking can lead to scary things that can lead to regret. I also feel that is I try to block what I am over thinking it will only suspend and add to the amount of time it takes for me to completely get over it.  I have only recently completely gotten over something (and I don’t think that this situation is as bad but it is very different so I don’t really know) and I can say that I have grown a lot from those decisions.  I need to learn perspective like I need to get over my petty problems because they really aren’t that bad and that I should stop trying to be perfect and stop caring if certain people do not want to be my friends , I have friends that love me and that is all that matters and its more than some people can relate to. The more thought I put into these dumb issues the faster I get over them. I guess practice makes perfect. Ya live, ya learn.

 

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